Sunday, June 12, 2011

Review: Samson's Lovely Mortal by Tina Folsom

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Title: Samson's Lovely Mortal
Series: Scanguards Vampires
Author: Tina Folsom
Read copy: eBook
Published: May 25, 2010
Publisher: Smashwords
ISBN: 0000887668
ISBN-13: 2940000887660

Vampire bachelor Samson can't get it up anymore, and not even his shrink can help him. All that changes when the lovely mortal auditor Delilah tumbles right into his arms. Suddenly there's nothing wrong with his hydraulics ... However, trying to hide the fact he's a vampire is suddenly not his only problem, because when compromising documents are found in Delilah's possession, Samson wonders whether she's the one who has more to hide than he does.

My rating:

For the past nine months, Samson Woodford has been suffering from something no man wants to suffer from. Least of all a virile vampire like him. Erectile dysfunction. No matter what he does, no matter who helps him, he just can’t get it up. And frankly, it’s embarrassing.

Even more embarrassing is the fact his friends know about it and they suggested seeing a shrink. Could he sink any lower? And then those same friends arrange for a stripper for his “surprise” birthday party. A stripper rumored to do a little extra on the side. She’s bound to get the blood flowin’, right?

Samson is in the process of feeling sorry for himself while waiting for the stripper to show up, when someone bangs on his door. In the middle of the night. In the middle of a storm. And a woman flies into his arms as soon as the door is open.

And suddenly his plumbing is working again. His friends knew what they were talking about. The stripper is a miracle-worker.

Only it turns out the woman in his arms, the woman whose mouth he’s plundering, the woman who’s got his downstairs equipment working again, isn’t the stripper. But a human woman fleeing from an attacker. Well, Samson cannot dally with a human woman. Not after nine months of abstinence. He’s bound to break her. But since his plumbing is working again, and the stripper is conveniently present—and vampire, he sends the human woman on her way (providing dry clothes and a limousine as apology for having mistaken her for a stripper), and takes the party upstairs.

The only problem is, nothing seems to be working downstairs anymore. At least not with the vampire stripper. Is it possible it was all the human woman’s doing? And how fast can he get her back into his arms?


I picked this one up solely based on the blurb. Because the concept of a vampire (they’re supposed to be a virile bunch of blood-suckers that keep on going) who cannot get it up was too much to pass on. And hilarious to boot. Needless to say I didn’t expect much except light entertainment.

You can imagine my surprise at finally finding an erotic romance that appealed to me on all counts. Sex? Check. Plot? Check? Good plot? Check. But let’s not stop there. There were vampires. I love vampires. There was a suspense sub-plot. I love romantic suspense. But what really worked for this story was the humor (often self-deprecating, but that’s the best kind) and the amazing characters.

Delilah was a beauty to read (despite her descent into stupidity toward the end—but I forgave her), Samson was your usual hunky, yummy, possessive, horny, well-hung vampire (with an added bonus of his “wittwe” problem that added a humorous, yet realistic touch to the fiction), Carl, the butler, was a very butleresque vampire, and Samson’s friends were a weird bunch of hoots-inducing friends (trying to help a friend in dire straits, while poking fun of him at the same time).

What struck me most was that this was an erotic romance (yes, it had plenty of sex scenes, and not just between the main two characters), with equal part erotica and actual romance. Because while most erotica novels concentrate on the sexual aspect of a relationship, the sex seemed to take a backseat to the romance brewing between the human and the vampire.
And what a cute, sweet, sexy, bitter-sweet romance it was. It had it all, the lust-at-first-sight, the sex on the first date, the misunderstandings, the lies, the half-truths, the forgive-me scenes, the ‘splaining-to-do, the make-up sex. And the fighting.
You don’t usually get much fighting between H/h in paranormals (at least not paranormals I read). The women are usually mowed down by the big, strong Alpha, but Samson and Delilah (cute coupling of names, don’t you think?) actually fought like a regular couple. She yelled, he growled that they weren’t done talking, she banged the door, he banged the door, they snapped, the yelled, they stomped...And they had make-up sex. They actually sounded real (despite him being a vampire, that is).

Yeah, as I mentioned, there was a suspense sub-plot that was ingenious, and complemented the main romance story perfectly. All angles of this story worked perfectly with one-another, drawing the story forward, bringing the characters closer together, twining their separate stories into the one major plot.

Oh, one last thing. I loved the fact Ms. Folsom didn’t change the vampire lore—the stake through the heart, the burn to a crisp in sunlight—though she did add the “allergy” to silver, and the ability to live on bottled blood. I liked the labels, though. 😉
And I loved the fact Ms. Folsom’s vampires don’t have to turn humans in order to bond with them, instead it’s all in the essence.

So really, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this story and I cannot wait to read the rest of the series (though I fear nothing could compare to the story of a vampire who couldn’t get it up and the woman who “cured” him 😋).

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