Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Review: Bond by Tasha Black

Title: Bond
Series: Intergalactic Dating Agency, Stargazer Alien Mail Order Brides
Author: Tasha Black
Read copy: eBook (Kindle)
Published: September 26, 2016
Publisher: 13th Story Press

When our otherworldly brothers arrive at last they expect a warm welcome...

Posey Quinn has always believed there was more to the world than what she can see. So when she arrives in Stargazer with her head full of conspiracies and high-end hairspray, she isn’t entirely surprised to learn that instead of donating eggs for tuition money, she is being asked to make an alien fall in love with her, and become an ambassador for humankind. What she doesn’t expect is how irresistible Bond is, and how hard it will be not to lose her own heart to the man who plays her body like a violin.

Bond is on Earth to fill one human female with as much pleasure as she can bear, a mission he’s finding very agreeable. But he’s not here to fall in love. Tasked with using his powers of human seduction to glean what he can about Earth and its inhabitants, Bond knows that if the planet’s resources are worthy and its residents aren’t, his days of pleasing Posey will soon be at an end.

My rating:

Three friends, Posey, Georgia, and Rima are chosen as egg donors and travel to rural Pennsylvania, a town called Stargazer. But not all is as is seems, since the girls are supposed to donate eggs while they’re still inside them, mating and letting themselves get impregnated by three gorgeous aliens, Bond, Rocky, and Magnum (yes, named after Earth’s “heroes”).

This is what you get reading a series written by various authors (especially authors you don’t know). It’s either hit or miss. I loved Cutlass, the first book in the Intergalactic Dating Agency series, and part of a different miniseries in the “larger” one, there wasn’t a thing I even remotely liked about this one.

The characters all acted like children (understandable for the aliens, but utterly unfathomable for the girls), the heroine was strangely fixated on her outer appearance (constantly griping about her BMI), for a book titled after the (alien) hero, the story mostly revolved around the heroine and her three friends, some elements of the plot were idiotic; like fixing the alien ship with honey (???) and the Fall Festival “battle”, the “villain” and the whole “suspense” subplot about Satan worship that degenerated into the let’s-pretend-to-be-members-of-an-old-religious-group spiel was maybe supposed to be funny, but wasn’t, and the romance (if I can call it that) was almost non-existent and completely unbelievable, since we barely spent time with the two leads to get to know them and see what was likable or lovable about them.

Template-y and formulaic, with flat, one-dimensional characters, slow, and with some elements so out of the left field that made the story feel almost like a parody or satire. Unfortunately, it took itself too seriously to garner any laughs.


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